2023-24 NFL Football (Week 5)

Games I watched (some of):

Bears 40-20 Commanders

You see, Bears fans? This is why you need to trade Justin Fields now. What is the point of seeing Fields emerge just so you can go 5-12? Go all in on the #1 pick--your team is that bad!--and dumping Fields has to happen sooner rather than later. The Jets, Patriots, Falcons all need QB's (hell, the Commanders are probably pretty impressed with him), move on before he turns just good enough to fuck up your future! I implore you: trade him now! (Also, kinda fun game, felt like the Commanders might come back and make it spicy, but they didn't and got rolled up on instead) 

Jags 25-20 Bills

(London games suck) Man, the Bills looked like they were sleepwalking and they may have lost Matt Milano for the season, so not a good showing for them. And they still almost pulled this out! After putting up no effort on offense and mostly getting ripped apart on defense, they still had a chance to steal it in the 4th quarter. Meanwhile, the Jags dominated the shit out of this game and still almost gave it away to a team that had no defense at all by the end. Weird game. Yeah, I still hate the London games--they're dangerous to the players involved!

Ravens 10-17 Steelers

God, the Ravens are such an uninspiring team. They look bored on both sides of the ball for the most part and then when they do actually try, they don't actually look that good. As for the Steelers, these guys are not good, the offense is kinda terrible and yet there they were, stealing the game from the bleary-eyed Ravens. The Ravens are still on track to win this division and I don't understand how/why. Over the last few years I've learned to truly loathe the Steelers, but the Ravens are getting that way for me, too. I hate watching these squads.

Cowboys 10-42 Niners

Only watched the first half, which was more competitive than what the score suggests (though I'm not particularly surprised that the Niners went hognutty in the 2nd half). The Niners are--BY FAR--the most complete team in the NFL right now. That offense is wicked and the defense is good all over and when they've got their game plan going, yeah, they can quickly dispatch a good Cowboys team like a Rick and Morty background character. The Cowboys are still one of the better teams in the NFC but they've got a ways to go to hang with the Niners. 

Packers 13-17 Raiders

In and out of this game (I mostly watched baseball this weekend), seemed like every time the Packers had something going on offense, they would throw an interception. The Raiders defense was flying around and half the time they were making plays and the other half, they were running themselves out of position. Oh well. They did enough to win.

The rest of the slate: 

Texans 19-21 Falcons

Kinda wish I'd seen this game. The Falcons are weird but they can sling it around, the Texans have a QB and that alone makes them interesting. 

Panthers 24-42 Lions

The Panthers are probably the worst team in the league, but they just drafted a QB, so what do they do with the #1 pick if it falls to them? The Lions are pretty good and can look great against horrible squads like the Panthers. 

Titans 16-23 Colts

Division match, could've gone either way.  

Giants 16-31 Dolphins

Giants got no business hanging with the Dolphins. 

Saints 34-0 Patriots

Ugh! The Belichick era is coming to a loud, thudding close, huh? Are the Pats ready to tank? Is this a turnaround game for the Saints?

Eagles 23-14 Rams

Yeah, that looks about right. The Rams are one of those teams that look pretty good when you watch them but somehow still manage to not win games. The Eagles are in a weird place: they're good enough to win with a half-hearted effort, so will they ever evolve into that next level machine they're gonna need to be to get by the Niners? Not sure (Niner injuries may make the question moot). 

Bengals 34-20 Cards

Bengals needed this. The Cards aren't as bad as they ought to be, but by season's end, they'll be in the hunt for the #1 pick, I reckon. 

Jets 31-21 Broncos

Yeah, the Jets suck but the Broncos suck even worse! 

Chiefs 27-20 Vikings

Are the Chiefs just better than everybody else or are they getting lucky? Are the Vikings as bad as their record or will they turn a corner and start kicking ass (I'm honestly not sure)?