AL East forecast

Red Sox
I'm sold on Dice-K: a 94MPH fastball, good change and a curve he puts all over the plate--and he doesn't speak English? Man, that is my kind of athlete! He's gonna be just fine. He'll start the all-star game, dead arm in August, so-so in September, I'm guessing money by the playoffs. And the Sox will score plenty o' runs this year. They all tanked last summer (did anyone notice they had a losing record against the American League last year?), they'll be hungry and Drew will fit in nicely. 100 wins.

Yankees
I'm not sure why everyone thinks the Yanks are so beatable. Mussina, Wang, Pettite, Pavano isn't the greatest first 4 in the league but it sure ain't the worst! They'll score plenty o' runs this year as well and when the bullpen falters the boss will cherrypick some overacheiving Royal or Devil Ray and problem solved. But I say they come up short of the wild card. 94 wins.

Orioles
Orioles seem to think they have a bright future. I'm guessing they hired the Redskins PR people…? 84 wins.

Blue Jays
Blue Jays have made nice improvements. Too bad they'll never win anything ever again with the Yanks and Sox both dedicated to being more wasteful than the Pentagon. Here's hoping they or the Orioles can catch a Wild Card sometime in the 21st century. Outlook: not good. Oh yeah, and their coach is a crackpot. 82 wins.

Devil Rays
The Devil Rays suck and should be destroyed. They reek of the excess of the bubble market of the '90s: money-grubbers expanded the sport and watered down the game and once the bubble bursts you're stuck with pet rocks and go-go boots and no fuckin' clue where your car keys are! I blame you, Tampa Bay! Oh yeah, and their owners are all crackpots. 72 wins.