World Cup After One Week (or so)

Damn, I love the World Cup!  I love just sitting on ass and watching soccer all day every day for a month.  I'm increasingly convinced even Americans can get into this every 48th month.  The other 47 months, soccer will go back to being utterly irrelevant on the American sports scene and I reckon that's normal.  Attendance might spike at MLS games for the rest of the year but it'll revert to normal next year.  I don't expect Americans to follow European soccer (though its every bit as entertaining as the American sports) or the South American Cups or the other random competitions that come along.  Soccer is not--and will not be--a regular big time American sport.  Our best athletes don't play soccer, our domestic league is pretty much guaranteed to never be as competitive as the Euro leagues, the college game in America is well-equipped but produces very little compelling action, the stats in soccer don't mean squat so there's no nerd culture or talk radio memes waiting to happen, and the advertising isn't the same (though I reckon American companies are used to marketing through soccer everywhere else in the world).  And in USA soccer competes with a bevy of sports options most of the rest of the world has not adopted as completely as soccer.  We've got the best baseball, hockey, basketball, motor sports, tennis and golf and we've got 'football' which no one else plays (nor should they, its a quintessentially American game and frankly I don't want to watch everyone else do it); but when it comes to soccer the big money culture is already at play out there in the world and American money will always be hard-pressed to compete.  But once every 48 months even Americans can rouse from their Cheeto-ed slumber and join the planet.

Best game: Netherlands 5-1 Spain.  Wow, hadn't seen Spain get pummeled like that in a while.  Brazil handled them convincingly a coupla years back in the Confederations Cup but this was something totally new.  And even then it was just the second half.  The Dutch just controlled every second of the ball for 45 minutes, Spain never threatened, never held the ball, couldn't make stops on defense, couldn't turn the ball forward, couldn't do nothing, man.  Wow.  Just wow.  A shellacking like this is always confusing: Are the Dutch really that good?  Spain can't be that bad, can they?  Was this just a fluke game or do the Dutch have some magic going?

Lamest game: Iran 0-0 Nigeria.  Easy call.  Man, no action, no attempt at action, not even any interesting mistakes!  No controversy, no goals, no worthwhile opportunities, no cool passes or eye-opening athletic plays.  Nope.  Nothing.  Forget Americans--this is the kind of game that people who love soccer hate to sit through.

I don't watch nearly enough soccer these days so I don't know any of the players, besides a handful of the big stars.  And I haven't followed anyone but USA in the qualifiers and even then I don't obsess over the tables because I fully expect USA to finish in the top 3 of our group always (we should always be #1 but top 3 qualify and we should always at least make that).  So I'm pretty blind on these teams, just going by gut feelings.  Rank them, right here.

Germany (class; frankly they didn't even look they were trying hard while blowing out Portugal)

Netherlands (am I overrating the whooping they just put on Spain?  Maybe, but the Dutch did look pretty great; they moved the ball well and were a hammer on defense; they looked really good)

Argentina (thought Messi didn't play well, but all he needs is an inch of daylight to hit a game winner; I'm guessing he's just warming up and that Bosnia is actually pretty good)

Italy (played solid against England; good victory, not a great one but they did what they needed to do against a world class opponent)

Brazil (My first instinct is to say I dunno about these guys: that back line looks born to beat, don't it?  This team doesn't pass very well it seems like, the touches are still crisp but they're not playing with each other as well as expected; being the home team is probably more curse than blessing these days but I fully expect Brazil to be there at the end)

Mexico (I thought they played Cameroon just right and handled themselves well against Brazil this afternoon; was not surprised by today's outcome: Mexico is the rare squad that doesn't fall prey to Brazil's gimmicks; granted the record is not good against Brazil, but they compete and I thought they'd get a draw today, though I expected more thrills; anyway, Mexico looks good to me, they hold the ball well, they play well together, solid defense, they're susceptible to big sturdy forwards but I think Mexico will score some goals this year)

Spain (I can't let one bad game scuttle my observations: Spain is still the best in the world and I reckon they can hang with anyone they play; they picked a bad time for a bad game but when is the good time for that?  Spain is gonna win games, I am convinced)

Colombia (I liked what I saw from Colombia but the 3-0 line against Greece was deceiving, I thought the match was a lot closer than that; Colombia finished their opportunities, Greece didn't, but otherwise I thought it was a fairly even contest; Colombia did what needed to be done and that's a good quality to have)

France (I thought their match with Honduras was sloppy: Honduras was truly terrible and the ref was wonky, made weird calls that kept favoring France (I thought); not sure France will have the protection of either of those things going forward; I suspect they've played their crappiest opponent and gotten their wonderful-est officiating; wasn't blown away by France and I suspect they might be a mirage)

Ivory Coast (Like France, I was more unimpressed by their opponent (Japan) than I was impressed by Ivory Coast; Japan got an early goal so I couldn't tell if they just had no offense at all or just didn't want to play it; couldn't tell if Ivory Coast's dominance of possession was their own skill or Japan's premature lack of interest; anyway, I was impressed by their ball control, each player had superior touch and their interplay reminded me of what Nigeria used to play like; plus they got a legit world class star (Drogba) rolling in off the bench; I think I like Ivory Coast to move on)

Chile (lump Chile in with France and Ivory Coast; Chile's first opponent (Australia) is continually uninspiring to me and the fact that Chile thumped 'em 3-1 doesn't shock me at all; so how good is Chile?  No idea, I'm putting them here because I don't know where else to put them)

Costa Rica (People made a big deal Costa Rica's 3-1 beatdown of Uruguay but they were just the better team, I thought; Uruguay struck me as not that good while Costa Rica impressed me with their opportunism and play making capabilities; I think Costa Rica is pretty good, could surprise someone taking them lightly)

Bosnia-Herzegovina (the most impressive loser so far; yeah I know I have Spain ranked higher but I'm still giving them the respect of the last 6 years, Bosnia is new to me; I liked them, take away a fluky own-goal and Bosnia went toe-to-toe with the team I predicted to win the Cup; they stifled Messi consistently in the mid-field, attacked confidently up the wings, had some real touch up front, I think they've got a good chance to sting some people)

USA (One of the least impressive victories of the tourney so far; heads-up quick goal, lucky as shit late goal, floundering offense, almost good enough defense, I dunno, I did not like what I saw; Dempsey's early brilliance was a shot in the arm but the next 80 minutes of lackluster offense was a bit of a downer; Portugal is hard to figure: either USA kills them or gets eaten alive by the wounded Portuguese.

Belgium (Next least impressive victory; for 60 minutes they could not budge against Algeria's defense, then a quick cross in the box and a breakaway later, they've stolen back the game from Algeria; I dunno man, they're hard to figure, they came in with some dark horse hype and perhaps Algeria's game plan just stymied them...or perhaps Belgium just wasn't that good; I was impressed with Algeria's D, they had a plan and they stuck to it, but Algeria attempted almost no offense and still should've won this game; so how good is Belgium?  Not sure)

England
Russia
South Korea
Croatia
Switzerland
Ghana
Cameroon
Greece
Portugal

Iran (Iran did what they had to do to secure a draw; they look like they just have a knack for draws; maybe 3 points will get them through but they'll probably need to win and how is that gonna happen?)

Nigeria (they looked awful; in the 90s my favorite team to watch was Nigeria, so much on-ball skill, a team of badasses, ripped shots from all over the place, they were fun; but this team was hesitant to do anything against Iran, not exactly the most formidable D out there; they did not look good, they were not dangerous around the goal, they weren't playmaking on defense, they didn't look into it and they didn't look good)

Uruguay (this just doesn't look like a classic Uruguay squad, they were soundly beaten I thought by Costa Rica, who is perhaps just better than we thought; but it didn't look to me like Uruguay ever had any plan to win the game and if they can't figure out Costa Rica, I'm not seeing them go too much further)

Algeria (honestly Algeria is a kooky 5-minute flurry from having 3 points; but that was their best chance at a win, I don't think their chances get any better, I really liked their D, I think they're gonna frustrate some people, but they've got no attack to speak of; they're not that bad but I don't see them having any success moving forward so I've got to drop them pretty low)

Australia (not that bad really, I just don't like watching them; they remind me of USA circa 1998 but with lesser athletes, not a good combination; I just don't see how these guys score goals or fight off a world class attack for 90 minutes)

Ecuador (I was almost willing to be impressed with Ecuador for dueling Switzerland to a draw, then they blew it in ignominious fashion, now I'm less impressed than ever; they don't score, they fall asleep on D, they don't have the best athletes, I don't see them beating anybody)

Japan (yeah, these guys just kinda suck; they dominated Ivory Coast for about 5 minutes, managed to get a goal out of it then did nothing for the rest of the game; Ivory Coast took a shot every time they touched the ball, but weren't adept at hitting the target except for their own 5 minutes flurry when they netted two quick goals and did what they should've done earlier; Japan plays with courage and smarts, but they're not very good)

Honduras (I didn't think the refs did them any favors against France, every close one seemed to go against Honduras, but I also thought they fouled a lot, were poor at maintaining possession or defensive shape and don't have the athletes to hang; worst team I saw in the first week)